🌿 When Healing Feels Selfish
🌱 Learning to Build Small Routines After Trauma
Because healing doesn’t happen all at once — it happens in moments.
Sometimes, healing looks selfish.
That’s how it feels for many of us survivors, at least.
In therapy, we’re told:
“Rest when your body needs it.”
“Do things that bring you joy.”
“Take time for yourself.”
But when you’ve lived in survival mode — in chaos, in codependency, in homes or relationships where your needs were never a priority — these suggestions don’t feel simple.
They feel… impossible. Or even guilt-inducing.
I know, because I’ve lived it too.
☁️ The Guilt We Carry
I used to feel ashamed for resting.
Years of exhaustion were dismissed as laziness. I wasn’t “allowed” to be tired.I was criticized for buying myself coffee.
Even when I worked full-time, small joys were questioned. My autonomy was often punished.I tried to set financial boundaries.
I was told separate accounts meant I didn’t trust my partner. Fights would erupt, so I stayed quiet — and anxious.I skipped breaks to catch up on chores.
Because if I didn’t, the shame crept in: You’re falling behind. You’re not doing enough. You’re failing as a mom.
🛠️ The Gentle Shift: Creating Small, Soulful Routines
You don’t need a perfect morning routine.
You don’t need to meditate for an hour or wake up at 5am.
You just need one soft space in your day where you come first.
🌸 Here are a few ideas to start:
1. The 5-Minute Soft Start
Light a candle. Stretch. Sip something warm.
Set a single word intention: “Steady,” “Soft,” or “Enough.”
2. Evening Reset Box
Create a small box with:
A calming tea
A weighted eye mask
A journal or affirmation deck
Use it as a nightly cue to unwind, just for you.
3. The One-Touch Rule
Pick one daily ritual that reconnects you to your body:
Putting on lotion slowly
Playing a favorite song and dancing
Going barefoot on grass for a moment
4. Permission Slips
Write yourself actual permission slips:
“I’m allowed to rest today.”
“It’s okay to do less.”
“Taking care of myself is not selfish.”
Put them where you can see them.
📝 Try This: A Self-Compassion Journal Prompt
“If I believed I was worthy of gentleness…
what would my day look like?”“Where have I mistaken burnout for proof of love or effort?”
“What small thing makes me feel like me again — and how can I invite that into my day?”
💡 This Week’s Soft Challenge:
Choose one tiny healing habit from the ideas above and commit to trying it for the next 3 days.
Just one. That’s it.
💗 My Soft Ritual Picks
If you need some gentle support to make your routines easier, these are a few items that have brought peace and grounding into my healing journey:
☕ Ember Mug | 🌿 plants | 🕯️Candles for my room
This post may contain affiliate links. If you choose to make a purchase through them, I may earn a small commission — at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting The Strawberry Sanctuary and helping this space grow. 🍓
🌸 Tiny hands. Tiny blooms. Big memories.
🌿I’ve started pressing all the little flowers my kids bring me — the ones they pick with pride, from sidewalks and fields and backyards. This flower press kit has turned into one of my favorite peaceful pastimes. It slows me down, reminds me to savor the moment, and lets me turn fleeting beauty into something lasting.
Now I tuck them into frames, letters, even my journals. Little pieces of love, preserved.
🫶🏼 If you’ve ever wanted to try flower pressing or need a creative, calming ritual — this is the one I use:
🕯️ Healing in a flame-sized package.
There’s something sacred about lighting a candle at the end of the day — a soft ritual that says you’re allowed to rest now.
This aromatherapy candle set has quickly become one of my favorite small acts of self-kindness. Four scents, four moods:
✨ Bergamot for stress relief
🌼 Jasmine to soothe anxiety
🍓 Wild Berries to support immunity
🌊 Ocean Breeze for grounding and meditation
Whether you're creating a calming corner, gifting softness to a friend, or simply reclaiming a quiet moment of peace — this set is beautiful inside and out.
☕ Because cold coffee/Tea isn’t part of your healing plan.
This Ember Smart Mug has become one of my favorite small luxuries — not just because it keeps my tea or coffee warm for over an hour, but because it makes every sip feel like a love note to myself.
Whether you’re journaling through your morning, squeezing in quiet time between the chaos, or just reclaiming five minutes of peace — your drink stays warm, cozy, and waiting for you.
✨ App-controlled
✨ 1.5-hour battery life
✨ Copper finish that’s pure aesthetic joy
Treat yourself (or a fellow soft warrior) to the little ritual of warmth:
Final Thought:
There is no gold star for being the most burned-out woman in the room.
You are allowed to make your healing the priority.
Even if it’s messy. Even if it starts small. Even if no one else understands it yet.
You are not lazy. You are healing.
And soft routines can become sacred ones.